Society

I say this all of the time but, I have never thought of myself as an artist.

I always enjoyed creating but assumed everyone else felt the same way. I've never gone without a meal, my parents love each other and me, no abuse - verbal/physical/sexual, no bus accident rendering me infertile, no alcohol/prescription/illegal drug addictions...I worship my bra, I don't like enormous sculptural paper jewelry poking me, or hand dyed fabrics, or patchouli...I have opinions on politics but I don't march and I think lots of political art is redundant and the people who should be reading it never will, I hate indie music, I do have anxiety but it doesn't seem to be the art-making kind...the list goes on.

I have a degree in art education because my high school theatre teacher told me that I was special. Not in the 90's "everyone's special" kind of way, in that she gave me huge creative responsibilities (like designing, choosing supplies, working a budget, shopping, and creating a faux 6x8' stained glass window for the abbey in The Sound of Music) while I was in school and she hired me to execute her plans after I had graduated - and gone to college to be a math teacher. Yes, I was super great at math- no humble brag- I was just awesome- like 120% average awesome- yes, over 100%. I always wanted to be a teacher and when it came down to what I should teach I thought the answer was pretty clear. There was a tug toward theatre tech, and interior design, BUT the practical, make-society-happy answer was - teach. And teach math because you will always be needed- and your loans will be forgiven. Oddly enough, I always thought peer pressure was lame, but there I was letting the world as a whole decide my future. Ah, youth. Fast forward, fail two calc classes and feel lost. Not lost enough to consider myself an artist...I didn't get kicked out of school, just took a minute to question my future. No biggie when you're 19.

So, I go back to do scenic design and teach tech for the summer with my theatre teacher. I don't remember how we were alone when there were typically 150 kids running around, but we sat down to chat about the production and she just stopped and said, "You are an artist. You don't have to teach. If you want to teach, teach art. You are very good. Don't waste it." And I listened. Not because I suddenly believed I was an artist, because I trust teachers. 

Side note: My middle school art teacher said, "don't do it," but her brother, one of my favorite math teachers said, "My sister said that?! I'm going to kick her ass!" So, I can only assume my art teacher got beat up, and I got a degree in art education so it wouldn't be for nothing ;)

Still, even after being pregnant in college and having half of our family deny it, applying to 100s of jobs in education and receiving only three rejections and the rest being ignored, moving a million miles from home, selling my favorite car, moving back from the place that I had fallen in love with to a place that I just don't fit... I didn't have the inspiration. That spiteful drive that we're told it takes to be a great artist. 

I create and I am happy. But I can't be an artist, I don't do drugs or hate life. Inspiration never hits. When I am rejected I just say, "meh, that wasn't meant for me," instead of "I'll show them!" Yet all the while, any time I hear someone say they can't do art...I tell them they can. I fully believe and preach that anyone can be good, it just takes practice.

This is another place where what I believe, how I act, and how society views artists is conflicting. I am always telling people - begging - people to make, to do, to create. We are artists, lawyers, chefs, waitresses...but the world seems to believe that the arts are just inherent. That artists are just naturally talented and full of inspiration while non-artists just do other stuff. And! The other stuff takes education, experience, discipline, and practice...while art, somehow, has gotten the label of not needing education, experience, discipline, and practice. But it does. And that's the struggle bus that I'm driving.

I recently read the first few chapters of Grit. That's right, the first few chapters. I haven't made it to the self-help part. There was a grit test early on. You answer questions and add up your score, like a teen magazine but instead of deciding between marrying Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Jonathan Brandis, you learn just how gritty you are.

I scored below the low score.

Below the lowest score. Below it. Not only am I not gritty enough to keep up a weekly blog, but I'm not gritty enough to pull a dandelion from my yard. I'm used to scoring low in obscure places like my blood pressure so it wasn't a huge surprise. Also, I'm not gritty, so it didn't hurt my feelings. But why? I'm afraid to ask this question because as society would say, "because you've never struggled for anything." Which is true...but why do I have to have pain to create? Does no one create with joy? Are adults all miserable and want to stare at misery in a museum? Can't I be inspired by something beautiful just because it's beautiful?

According to the not-so-many pages I read, that is exactly the problem. I'm sitting around waiting for inspiration. Waiting for some big idea that will connect to the hearts of the masses, overthrow the government, and save the sea turtles in one brush stroke.

But that's not a thing.

It takes grit. It takes practice. It takes education, experience, discipline, and more practice. Every. Damn. Day. Can anyone create? Absolutely. Can anyone be struck by inspiration? Of course, that's why we have $15 specialty avocado slicers. But to hold the title, to call myself an artist, I have to actually DO what I'm always telling my friends and students and my own kids.

I don't need LSD, I don't need hate or pain, I don't need kerchief dresses and Birkenstocks, I don't need to be a pretentious asshole, I don't need to make up stories about an orange rectangle (okay, I do hate one thing, Rothko, feel free to send hate mail, no shame, he sucks). I don't have to be in society's art box.

I do need to stop being lazy, I need to set a social media timer, I need to create a creating schedule and a space, I need to work hard every day even if I don't want to, I need to stop making excuses, stop being entitled. I have an amazing opportunity to stay home this year. My husband supports me not only financially- sweet! - but he believes in me as an artist. He, my parents, friends, and family have never looked at me through society's artist lens...they've always looked at me as an individual, creative human being.

Maybe this year, I will, too.*

*but, like, according to the Grit test, I totally won't do anything 😃

Prompt!
Instead of me asking if you're inspired to work this week, I'll say: Answer at least one of these questions or make up your own question about self and society. Don't wait for inspiration. Sit down and do it.
Where do you conflict with yourself? Are there any societal labels that you're embarrassed by or cautious to share? Have you overcome your conflicted self? Has someone expected more or less of you based on an assumption? Why, as a whole, are we so interested in categorizing and stereotyping - even with personal evidence to the contrary?

Update: Right after posting I saw this awesome short: http://thepowerofideas.ideapod.com/exactly-society-kills-creativity-breathtaking-short-film/

Due Tuesday 😉

Make Plans

We all have something we're putting off.

There's someone you want to call.
There's someone you've been wanting to have lunch with.
You really need to putty and paint that hole, repair a leak, print those photos, hang them...
You've been putting off rearranging furniture even though it's totally not working.
You cry every time you open the fridge but the thought of cleaning it makes you want to die even though you know you'll be so much happier when it's done.
There's a blog that your supposed to write on a weekly basis but instead you just don't...and you don't have a ton of followers so you think maybe no one will notice but what if there's that one person looking forward to it and now you're a huge jerk...for example.

Anyway!
I've been imaginary planning for hens...for six years. I have a Pinterest board with approximately eleventy-billion chicken articles and coop plans. Plus, a few things about goats, donkeys, and cows but there's only so much you can do with an acre on a steep hill...and my county is notorious for being snobby. Not exaggerating the county ordinances read like an HOA contract.

My goal this week is to create a one year plan to have everything ready for 4 hens next spring.
So far I know I need to:
-Take out $20 every time I use my debit card to save for materials and supplies
-Build or purchase a mobile coop with a removable run . Probably build since I'll be a SAHM next year and I have a million ideas which make for a very expensive pre-made.
-Mail letters to my immediate neighbors requesting permission or denial
-File with the Snob County (ask more permission through 9 pages of paperwork, already printed just so I can read it a few times. I won't need to turn it in until like February so maybe the laws will loosen a bit)
-Pay Fees that are more than the cost of eggs (assuming you shop at Aldi, probably less than Publix)
-Freshen up my veggie gardens so they have some good stuff eat when they arrive

Just some ideas to start.

What will you do this week? Write out/sketch your plan in your journal. No cheating by just making a Pinterest page. Make a page a reality...create a dream board like it's 2002! Call someone, make a special meal, plan a fun activity for tomorrow or this weekend, or just get something annoying checked off that list!

Don't forget to share :)

Go!

Get Mad.

**bad words** Sorry, Grandma!

This is a journal. Not every day is joyful or inspiring, and as much as I preach practicing art every day...not every day is for art-making. Some days are for venting...some weeks are for feeling hyper-sensitive...some topics can instantly piss you off and throw you into a spiral, arguably against your will.

There are two subjects that send me into a fit, okay maybe a rage (but I'm small so people don't take my anger very seriously) ... the word "tolerance" and Generational Stereotypes. Those of you who know me know what's up. I will skip the word tolerance for today since some people would argue it a semantics issue (but it's really the most backhanded word in modern history, note the quotes and italics- super bitter typing ;) ).

Anyway, Generational Stereotypes.

Traditionalists are rule followers to a fault.
Baby Boomers are low tech.
GenXers are assholes.
(Oregon Trail-ers are the kindest, most empathetic people in the history of people because we watched out families die from cho-ler-ia on an Apple Macintosh)
Millennials are babies.
GenZ is basically Wall-E bound.

No one wants to be labeled this way...except Oregon Trail-ers. I cannot understand how a 20 year chunk of people can be labeled as the same. People can't even agree on the dates! Especially, now with the constant changes in tech, information access, tiny world, mobility. I am not an authority-hating, breakfast-clubbing, wolf of Wall Street, and I'm not an unmarried, basement dwelling, tech-drowning loser with a doctorate in underwater basket weaving. But I carry the weight of those labels.

I am one person.

You are one person.

Your kid is one person.

That guys over there is one person.

I was told my whole life to do what made me happy, do what I was passionate about, get a college degree and everything will be right with the world. I then graduated with a teaching degree...the year the market crashed and counties declared hiring freezes. I applied to more than 200, for arguments' sake -fake, over 200 fake jobs and received one rejection letter. Did I have the optimism of a Millennial? Absolutely! Did I quickly learn the pessimism of GenX? Absolutely. Because I am a person, not a generation.

On another personal note, I grew up in a retirement town in Florida. Half of my closest friends were over 65...probably over 70. I knew about cataracts before I had glasses. I know what respect is and no one ever had to hit me, I know what hard work is even though I've never plowed a field, and I know that I know literally nothing of hardship and need. Those qualities don't come from a decade, they come from people and experiences that we all have in common. First love, first concert, best friends, how your favorite songs make you feel- regardless of genre or time, pain, trust, fear, anger, joy, hunger, fullness...the things we're reacting to may be different but I don't believe they're different enough to fight over....so I'm mad and I'm fighting about it obviously.

The point is: If you can't say something nice, shut up. Just shut up. Shut up and listen because the one thing most generations will claim as their own is "caring." So prove it. Be empathetic. Be friends with people because there is more to life than birthdays and who was president when you first went to a voting booth. Literally everyone has stories to share and I bet listening and sharing will make you and your new friend better people. Individual people who require love and attention, and deserve time and respect. All of us.

So this week, or whenever the mood strikes, whatever the topic, write it all out. Rage. Burn the page (in the sink...don't sue me GenXer! ;) ...see what I did there?). Take notes over a few days or weeks or get it all out in one sitting. I've included a photo of my page and after typing this I really do feel better...I still have a very specific Blink182 song stuck in my head but I'm working on it. If you don't know who Blink182 is they are a very angst-y, punk, pop, alternative band with real life bad parents so there are lots of bad words and loud noises.

Go!

Make a Pocket

No huge story on this one...there was a baby kangaroo at my kids church party the other night and it was adorable. Did you know that when a kangaroo is born it's only the size of the top knuckle of your pointer finger!? I'm inspired...mostly squealy and I want to squish everything...a totally normal way for an inspired person to act.

This week!
Construct a pocket in or on your journal. Get crazy philosophical or simple, make an interactive Frida Kalo with organs on strings that you can tuck in, or sketch out a kangaroo with a pop-out joey. Fold, glue, staple, stitch, and fill it up with something awesome.

If you want interesting construction tips check out Pinterest/Google and search "paper pocket" ;)

Go!

Inspirational Classroom Poster

 For those of you who don't know, I work in a preK-12 school. I know any office with a lounge will have some crappy coffee, maybe a Keurig, a microwave and fridge, leftover birthday cake...but there's always something extra special waiting in a Teacher's Lounge.  

 Students talk about it like it's a magical palace with spa water, chandeliers, live music, kittens, and ice cream. Teachers talk about it like it's filled with someone's old furniture and busted cabinets. Both are correct. It's a Cave of Wonders. There are many different areas in the 8x8' sanctuary, each with a sacred purpose:

On top of the fridge: No touchie. That's where the office ladies keep the vases. You may ask permission but no is the answer.

Inside the fridge: No touchie...unless someone has email blasted the school saying that the kid whose dad owns a Bruster's had a birthday and there are 80 million ice cream cups in the freezer.

On the counter: Free for all! Crappy Community Coffees all around! Hot chalk-olate? It's yours! How many different kinds of faux sweetener can one cavern hold?! All the different kinds!
...there's also a Coke machine filled with chick flavored Cokes like Diet Caffeine Free Spenda-d Coke Zero Free Lite (barf)

But the Crown Jewel of the Teacher's Lounge is the Coffee Table 🎉
If it touches the table it's up for grabs! The possibilities are endless. Leftover birthday treats? Amateur. Wine, cases of chocolate, lamp shades, books, flyers for all of the crap teachers have to side-hustle to be able to pay a mortgage, luau supplies, sandwiches, clothes and shoes, wheat, obituaries of retired teachers, furniture and linens, stacks of picture frames, a tower displaying 12 varieties of coffee creamers, outdated globes, semi-functioning microscopes, 35 pairs of star-shaped sunglasses, enough beaded necklaces to rival MardiGras, whatever didn't sell at the yard sale last weekend, blank scantron sheets- you know, just in case the tech apocalypse comes and we need to take multiple choice exams, and this morning...homemade hard candy, a homemade pie, and 23 inspirational and instructional classroom posters.

All this leads to this weeks prompt: Think back on your favorite class. Was it loaded with Carson Delosa smiles, or Barney Stinson quotes floating over mountains and rivers? Did you have the cool history teacher with the Janis Joplin poster? Kooky science teacher with Einstein sticking his tongue out? Lit teacher with tons of grammar rules posted like you had time to read them mid-exam? An acrostic explaining how an A-R-T-I-S-T works, or how to R-E-S-P-E-C-T each other?

What was it about those words and images that made you think or feel differently? If you were to put up a poster in your "classroom" what would it say? What is it's purpose? What do you want children to grow up knowing? What do you wish someone had told you? Are you the kitten hanging from a branch type or the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. type? Or both? Design a poster or two for yourself, your classroom, or to share with friends. You're welcome to photoshop but don't forget to print and paste it into your journal!

Motivation is what gets you started.
Habit is what keeps you going.
Jim Ryan

Possimpible
The place where the possible and the impossible meet.
Barney Stinson

Inspired ;)

Go!

This morning we're gonna party like it's nine-teen eight-y seven!
*according to the copyright on the bears ;)

Monochromatic Collage

1. Anyone doing the F*Facebook activity? I'm going a little nuts...I'm not huge on football so watching the Superbowl was a nice time to nap. I wanted to know what the Pink fans were saying about Gaga's flight, how my buddy felt watching his team come back, I wanted to share a dumb photo of the junk food we declared "dinner." I've been keeping notes on stuff that I would normally share or photograph and I'm feeling pretty lame. Here's a super good one, totally worth sharing: Tilex is great for baseboards and kitchen floors! Yep, I just cleaned the whole kitchen with bleach mildew remover instead of 409. hashtagMyHouseSmellsLikeAPublicPoolMyWindowsWillBeOpenForDaysImDyingALittle
I have a problem. Maybe this really will be good...just another step toward adulting?

2. Those bananas are awesome! They made my morning!

This Week!
 Grab some magazines, paint chips, and real photographs! This week we're going to create a monochromatic collage. Choose a color, an expression or idea, cut out letters to tell a story, grab a needle and thread and stitch through the page, find a lighter and a crayon to drip, glitter, paint, stamps, paper clips, staples, lots of glue...it's a collage! Do whatever you can smash into your journal.

Here are some fun links to inspire you (nothing is affiliated because, like, there are 40 of us, the internets are not paying attention):

Basic Google Search for Monochromatic Collage

Pinterest Pop-Ups

Sewing Pinspiration 

Don't stress about getting stitches and pop-ups and wax and glitter all at once. We'll have several collaging projects throughout. Just focus on one color this week :)

Go!

F* Facebook February

So, after a fun week of paying it forward I am taking some time to step back.
I am a Facebook addict. I don't check it at work...except at lunch. I don't check it when I'm driving...unless I'm stuck in traffic. I don't check it in the morning...unless I'm awake. So, basically, all the time.

I'm a hyper-emotional person so I always got a pretty great high from seeing babies, vacations, puppies, inflatable t-rex, and whatever other silly things were posted. Lately, in case you haven't noticed, Fb has become a cluster-f of hate and blindness. I actually spent extra time every day searching for something good...something decent...something tolerable. Almost nothing. Only one t-rex video, it was okay.

I absolutely got wrapped up in it. Moved to find counter arguments for everything I saw. I was heart-broken by the words and images being shared by people I love and trust. I cried every day for 10 days and decided that was it.

So here we are with this week's prompt:

Check you phone usage. What do you use way too often? What is no longer bringing you joy or filling its purpose? Can you delete the ap for a day? Week? Month? Forever? "For eh ver foreh Ver" -The Sandlot.

I don't know if I can go forever, I don't think I want to. But I am going to take this very short month off. Try to reset my brain. I'm not saying to walk away from all social media, all media, talk radio, games, shopping...whatever you do most on your phone. Just choose one thing for a day, week, or month and see how you feel. Take note of it. It's been one day for me and I've already noticed that I want to check my phone at every flipping commercial. Now I'm watching commercials like a schmo but I'm also not missing the first minute of every scene after commercials...it's a balance ;)

What will you ditch? How long?